But what happened to all of us? All human beings are raised by parents that do not know what they’re doing. Now I’d say all, maybe some, get through. I don’t think so because of the fall of Adam. But the reality to the whole situation is that what has really transpired is that our parents for whatever reason, usually it’s because of their unresolved emotional issues and we talked about that in Successful Parenting. You cannot be a successful parent if you have unresolved emotional issues cause you’ll take them out on your kids just like our parents did to us.
But back to the subject. What happened to all of us is that we were raised by parents who abused us, either physically, psychologically and sad to say some were even abused sexually. molested, other things happened. Satan doesn’t play fair. If that didn’t happen to you, there was no abuse at all, what happens then often times is there’s neglect. You have a parent that’s not emotionally connected and so what happens is that there’s neglect and there’s no emotional connection.
Well what is a child, a little infant and toddler to do with their emotions when there’s nobody to connect to? What are they to do for bonding? When parents are too busy to get the bottle quickly or too busy to change the diapers. There’s bonding.
Kevin talked about bonding in Successful Parenting. Without bonding, there’s no trust. Without trust you can’t have an emotional connection. I don’t want to go too deeply into that but I do want you to know that we didn’t get what we needed.
Now, if you say “Well I had a perfect childhood,” well I beg to differ with you. I have council ed as a pastor, I’ve council ed and council ed numerous people. We have people in our church that have said, “Well, gee. I didn’t have anything happen wrong to me.” And usually what ends up happening is they just don’t remember because they repressed it. It was so hard for them because they repressed it.
What happens is is that we didn’t get what we needed. What didn’t we get? We didn’t get the bonding we needed. We didn’t get the attachment that we needed. We didn’t get the emotional connection. How do we learn how to handle emotions if we have no place to process them? They have no parents to listen to us and tell us what we’re doing. What do we do about those emotions? Well we can’t do anything about them so we stuff them. When we stuff them it causes us to at that point in time, whenever we stuff them, we stop growing emotionally.
The other thing that happens that’s really, really important is to realize that not only do we stuff emotions, but we become people that we were never created by God to be. That’s hard because that’s what happens. We become people we were never created to be. The true self in us never really gets known and the reason it never really gets known is because our parents demanded of us that we shut up or they tried to fix us. They tried to make our pain go away. All this other things. We were not accepted for who we were. We were only accepted and given attention – attention is not love, by the way. It’s just attention – for what we did, not who we were.
That’s the picture, and that picture is a very real picture. I’ve dealt with it for years and there has to be a solution. Well guess what? There is a solution! Isn’t that great? Isn’t that great that there’s a solution? Oh my gosh, where would we be without a solution? Well we stumbled into this solution. God let us through the … I’ve many times said that God gives us a destination and hides the map. Is that true for you? I don’t know, but it’s true for us.
Anyway, we stumbled around and we finally came up with what we call the re-parenting process. The re-parenting process is that we have a way, all of the people that come to Joy Stones have a way – and some of the people that we work with outside – have a way to be re-parented.
What is re-parenting? Well, re-parenting is this: we have to have a safe place like we were supposed to have when we were children to share our deepest feelings and know that we’re not going to be fixed. We’re not going to be told what to do. We’re not going to be judged. No! We are going to only be listened to and mirrored and validated. That’s what’s supposed to have happened! It didn’t happen and most parents don’t have time to listen to their kids. Bad mistake, but they just don’t do it.
The reality to this is, is we need a redo. Well do you think God knew that Satan would be incredibly affective being the God of this world. Even after we become Christians. We accept Jesus Christ as Lord and he said all power both in heaven and the earth has been given to me. Matthew 28:18.
We’re supposed to deal wisely. We’re supposed to take care of demons. We’re supposed to